“blot pre-cum on a printout of my website”
1 week ago • 19 notesNOW THAT’S A MOTHERFUCKING OMELET
you know how wine snobs have a series of steps they go through to really get to know a wine? like sniff it up, gargle with it, etc.
here’s how i take in a beaut like this:
- stare at it. do a mona lisa smile as i feel the semi creep up.
- lick my lips (4 minutes min)
- imagine how it would look if prepared by a cilantro hater, by a whining food baby messy-diaper-cryin’. laugh at the mental image of their shitty, monochromatic meal. shake my head vigorously and to no one in particular at the thought of living in their barren culinary purgatory.
- blot pre-cum on a printout of my own web site
- accidentally think of rachel ray, instantaneously lose erection and will to live
- do ebay search for “all the cilantro. all of it.”




